[Dear Lewis] Can a manager ask about your personal life?
A VP at a remote startup faces the dilemma of deciding whether to inquire about an employee's personal life.
Hey there, fellow leaders, grab a seat and snuggle in for the latest episode of Dear Lewis.
Now, let me spill the beans on Alan (totally not his actual name), a big shot VP at this buzzing remote startup. Alan's got his radar on, and he's picking up vibes about Karthik, his right-hand person. The thing is, Karthik's mojo seems to be on a nosedive, and Alan's left with this tricky puzzle – should he tiptoe into Karthik's personal turf to untangle the mystery?
Well, you're in for a treat because I'm taking Alan on a wild ride through the jungle of this moral maze.
PS If you've ever thought about diving into the world of executive coaching, now might be the perfect time. Check out the details on this page, and let's see if we can make some magic happen! 🌟
🤔 Can a manager ask about your personal life?
In the world of executive coaching, each coaching session came with its own set of challenges. Here’s a recent coaching session with Alan, a VP at a bustling remote startup.
Alan's concerns about his direct report, Karthik (not his real name), were far from straightforward. Alan's radar picked up on something not quite right with Karthik lately. Over the past four weeks, he had noticed a dip in Karthik's work quality, and it wasn't just about the tasks on the table. There was a shift in the air, a change in Karthik's demeanor.
The once-friendly and upbeat responses from Karthik had taken a detour. Now, they veered toward curt and sometimes even cynical territory. Alan couldn't help but notice the subtle transformation in Karthik’s mood, a growing irritability that left a distinct mark on their interactions.
The remote work setup added layers to deciphering personal struggles. Despite Alan's attempts to address the issue with Karthik, the responses remained concise – "Good, good" for casual queries and a firm denial of any changes.
What heightened Alan's suspicion was the company grapevine. Colleagues buzzed with speculations about Karthik, ranging from alleged drug use to a potential job hunt. Team dynamics were shifting, affecting performance, and Alan felt compelled to dig deeper.
Instinct nudged Alan to inquire about Karthik's personal life, but HR and fellow VPs cautioned against it, citing privacy and potential discomfort among the team. I reminded Alan that, while general guidelines were good, his role as a manager included ensuring the team met performance expectations. If something in Karthik's personal life affected this, he needed to ask.
Alan came around and agreed. In response, we embarked on a series of role-playing exercises to help Alan navigate the sensitive conversation. Initial discomfort lingered, but with practice, Alan found his stride. We explored various reactions from Karthik—anger, resignation, awkwardness—preparing Alan for the unpredictable.
The turning point arrived when Alan courageously confronted Karthik. Initial denial shifted to discomfort, but Alan persisted, emphasizing the impact on both Karthik and the team. As layers peeled away, Karthik revealed a significant personal milestone – he had become a new dad.
Congratulating Karthik, Alan delved deeper, questioning why he hadn't shared the news or taken paternity leave. Karthik explained his commitment to an upcoming product launch, fearing letting the team down. He believed he could balance parenthood and work commitments.
While acknowledging Karthik's dedication, Alan highlighted unintended consequences – strained team dynamics, heightened stress, and compromised work quality. Recognizing the need for a course correction, Karthik agreed to step back.
In the following weeks, Alan collaborated with Karthik to redistribute responsibilities within the team, ensuring a smooth transition during Karthik's paternity leave. A temporary resource was brought in, and although the team missed Karthik's leadership during the launch, the contingency plan exceeded expectations.
The story of Alan and Karthik serves as a gentle reminder that, as leaders, we must balance respect for privacy with the responsibility of ensuring the well-being and performance of our teams.
Simple, right? Well, not always
I'm here to help. Email me if you have any management or employee challenges. I've got your back, and your identity will remain anonymous.
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