🤔 Dear Lewis, how do I influence without arguing?
A VP applies timeless principles to transform his CEO from budget-blocker to equipment advocate—without a single argument.
Here we are again, my friends, back for another installment where I share real (but anonymized) stories from my coaching practice. Today's tale is about convincing without confronting and how sometimes the path to getting what you want runs directly through not arguing about it.
"I feel like I'm trapped in a Catch-22 from hell," Abe told me during our coaching session. He's the VP of Manufacturing at a mid-sized agritech company, and his eyes carried that particular blend of frustration and fear reserved for executives facing immovable objects.
"The equipment is prehistoric," he continued, running his hand through his hair. "We're competing against companies using machinery that makes ours look like stone tools. But every time I mention capital expenditures, my CEO acts like I've suggested setting the building on fire for the insurance money."
"Let me guess," I said, leaning forward. "You've been bringing him spreadsheets and ROI calculations?"
Abe groaned. "Spreadsheets, case studies, competitor analyses. I even had an engineer create a 3D model showing exactly how the new equipment would fit in our current space."
"And with each presentation, he digs in deeper?"
"Exactly! Last time he cut me off mid-sentence with 'Make more with less, Abe. That's your job.'"
Here's what I told Abe: When someone – especially a CEO who signs the checks – has publicly planted their flag on a position, bringing more facts is like bringing snowballs to a nuclear war.
The breakthrough came when Abe stopped trying to win the argument and started channeling Dale Carnegie instead.
"Abe," I said, "you're trying to win an argument your CEO doesn't even want to have. Focus on making him feel like upgrading is his brilliant idea."
That's when we developed the DEALER framework. But before I share that, let me tell you about the first breakthrough moment.
Abe had always requested budget in formal meetings. I suggested he stop mentioning equipment altogether and instead take the CEO on a floor tour to watch employees struggling with maintenance on the old machines.
During the third weekly walkthrough, they watched an employee perform the fifth manual adjustment of the morning when the CEO muttered, "This is ridiculous. How much time do we waste on this every day?"
In the psychology of influence, this was monumental. The CEO wasn't hearing about the problem – he was witnessing it firsthand and coming to his own conclusions.
Let me break down the DEALER framework we developed:
D: Discover Their Real Concerns
Through careful questioning, Abe uncovered that the CEO:
Had previously approved equipment that became obsolete within 18 months
Was worried about timing – the company was potentially up for acquisition
Wasn't against all capital expenditures – just those without 12-month returns
"This changes everything," Abe told me. "I've been pitching 5-year ROI models to a guy traumatized by equipment that became obsolete and who's thinking about the books for potential buyers."
E: Empathize Authentically
In their next interaction, Abe completely changed his approach:
"I've been thinking about what you said about doing more with less, and it makes sense given what happened at Precision Ag with that equipment becoming obsolete. That must have been a financial nightmare. And with potential buyers looking at our books, I understand why major capital expenses would raise red flags."
The CEO's response? He actually leaned forward and said, "Finally, someone who gets it."
A: Align with Their Goals
Abe repositioned equipment upgrades as a path to the CEO's own objectives:
"I know one of your top priorities is making us attractive to potential acquirers. I've been thinking about how our manufacturing capabilities factor into that valuation."
He then shared how modernized equipment would:
Improve EBITDA through reduced labor and maintenance costs
Create production metrics more in line with industry standards buyers would expect
Reduce the "discount factor" buyers apply to companies with outdated infrastructure
L: Let Them Feel Ownership
Instead of presenting a fully-baked proposal, Abe:
Asked the CEO to join the equipment evaluation committee
Presented three options with different price points
Deferred to the CEO's judgment on specific features
During one evaluation meeting, the CEO actually said, "If we're doing this, we should consider this additional feature." Abe nearly fell out of his chair – the CEO was now selling him on spending more!
E: Eliminate Barriers Proactively
Abe began preemptively addressing objections:
Created a phased implementation tied to results
Negotiated flexible contracts with vendors
Identified older equipment that could be sold to offset costs
Developed contingency plans for potential technology changes
"I'm thinking about your concern regarding equipment becoming obsolete," Abe told the CEO. "I've structured this deal so we can evaluate results after each phase before committing to the next."
R: Reinforce Their Wisdom
Whenever the CEO suggested a modification, Abe:
Enthusiastically implemented it
Publicly attributed improvements to the CEO's vision
Referred to "the approach you suggested" in management meetings
Abe sent an email saying: "Your insight about phasing the implementation has completely changed our approach for the better. The numbers from the first phase are already proving you right."
The Transformation
Three months later, Abe walked into our session with a victory grin.
"We got approval for the full equipment upgrade," he said. "All three phases, with an option for a fourth if the results continue."
"And what's even more amazing," he continued, "is that yesterday the CEO told our board, 'One of our strategic advantages is our approach to manufacturing modernization.' The same guy who told me to 'make more with less' is now bragging about our equipment investment strategy!"
The DEALER approach didn't just get Abe the equipment he needed – it transformed how his CEO thought about capital expenditures entirely. All without a single argument.
Until next time, remember: Sometimes the most powerful position in a disagreement is refusing to have one at all.
Keep striving for greatness,
Lewis C. Lin
Simple, right? Well, not always
I'm here to help. Email me if you have any management or employee challenges. I've got your back, and your identity will remain anonymous.
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