Dear Lewis, how do I set the emotional tone of the room?
A director struggles to influence team morale, reacting to room dynamics instead of shaping them. Learn how emotional leadership techniques can transform a manager from mood sponge to conductor.
Here we are again, my friends, back for another installment of Dear Lewis.
Today, I'm revisiting a coaching client from last month. He's a Director at a FAANG company, and he's struggling to set a positive tone and influence the emotional climate of the room. Instead, he finds himself constantly reacting to it, like a chameleon at a paint factory.
It's not uncommon to find managers get stuck in reactive mode. And as always, I'm here to offer some guidance including:
Explain the concept of emotional leadership and its impact on team dynamics
Analyze the strengths and weaknesses of the client's current approach
Recommend specific actions the client can take to become an emotional thermostat rather than a thermometer
Keep striving for greatness,
Lewis C. Lin
CEO, ManageBetter
🤔 How do I set the emotional tone of the room?
The Problem: Reactive Leadership
One of my clients is Mark (not his real name). He works as a Director at a FAANG company. He's been there for four years, and he's really good at what he does. He's led some incredible projects that have revolutionized the way people interact with technology. His team respects him, and his peers admire his technical skills. But he's feeling frustrated because he can't seem to control the emotional atmosphere of his meetings. He comes to me for help and asks me what's wrong.
I tell him that there's nothing wrong with him, but there's something wrong with how he enters a room and interacts with his team. He has this way of communicating that makes him look like an emotional sponge, ready to absorb whatever mood is floating around. You know what I'm talking about. It looks something like this:
Before:
MARK: (entering the room hesitantly) "Hey everyone... uh, how's it going?" Team
TEAM MEMBER 1: (sighing) "Not great. We're behind schedule on the new feature."
MARK: (shoulders slumping) "Oh... that's not good. Um, what happened?" Team
TEAM MEMBER 2: (frustrated) "The QA team found some major bugs yesterday." Mark: (looking defeated) "Wow, okay. I guess we should... figure out what to do next?"
I tell him that this approach is reactive, uncertain, and contagious - in all the wrong ways. It doesn't set any direction for the team's emotional state. And it makes him look like he's at the mercy of whatever mood happens to be in the room. The entry reveals his lack of intentionality and leadership. He speaks softly, avoids eye contact, and uses phrases that make him sound unsure and directionless. He also doesn't actively shape the emotional climate when negativity or tension arises. He just absorbs it like a sponge.
The Solution: Emotional Leadership Techniques
Being a leader is not just about what you do, but also about how you enter a room and set the tone. We start working together to change his approach, so that he can show his emotional leadership. Here are the exercises that we start to do:
Practice the Power Pose. This is a simple way to boost confidence before entering a room. We stand tall, hands on hips, chin up, for two minutes before any important meeting. This makes it easier for Mark to walk in with a presence that commands attention and respect. He finds it awkward at first because he's used to shrinking himself. But that's the point. The Power Pose makes him feel like emotional Superman, ready to lift the mood of any room.
Use the "Emotional Thermostat" technique. This is a subtle but powerful way to change how we influence the room's mood. I share with Mark that when we let the room's emotions control us, we're just an emotional thermometer. When we actively set the emotional temperature, we become the thermostat. Mark shares that it worked. He's more in control and influential. And his team is more balanced too. Before his team would spiral into negativity during tough times, and now there's a sense of resilience and optimism.
Implement the "First Five" rule. I reinforce with Mark that the first five minutes of any meeting are crucial for setting the tone. We need to enter with intention and positivity. We start by practicing upbeat, energizing openings that acknowledge challenges but focus on opportunities. We also practice "mood redirection" techniques for when he walks into a tense or negative atmosphere.
Master the art of "Emotional Judo". I'm not talking about throwing people around the room (although that would certainly change the mood). I share with Mark that we can use the energy of negative emotions to pivot towards positive outcomes. So Mark's old pattern of absorbing and amplifying negative moods has been replaced with skillful redirection.
The Results: A New Approach
After implementing these techniques, let's see how Mark handles a similar situation:
After:
MARK: (entering confidently with a smile) "Good morning, team! I'm excited to dive into our progress today."
TEAM MEMBER 1: (sighing) "We're behind schedule on the new feature."
MARK: (maintaining positive energy) "I appreciate you bringing that up. It's a challenge, but I'm confident in our ability to overcome it. Let's start by celebrating what we've accomplished so far. What's one thing that's gone well this week?"
TEAM MEMBER 2: (hesitantly) "Well, we did optimize the loading time for the main page..."
MARK: "That's excellent! That improvement will have a real impact on user experience. Now, let's channel that same innovative thinking into our current challenge. What are two unconventional approaches we could try to get back on schedule?"
The difference is night and day. In the "before" scenario, Mark was letting the room's mood dictate his own, and by extension, the team's direction. In the "after" scenario, he's actively setting a positive, solution-focused tone, even in the face of challenges.
Let's look at another example of how Mark applies these techniques in a different situation:
Here is the reformatted dialogue with names in all caps:
Before:
TEAM MEMBER: (angrily) "The marketing team changed the specs again! This is ridiculous!"
MARK: (looking worried) "Oh no, not again. This is going to throw everything off..."
TEAM: (collective groans and complaints)
After:
TEAM MEMBER: (angrily) "The marketing team changed the specs again! This is ridiculous!"
MARK: (calmly) "I understand your frustration. Changes can be challenging. Let's take a step back and see how we can turn this into an opportunity. How might these new specs actually improve our product?"
TEAM MEMBER: (surprised) "Well... I suppose the new color scheme could make the interface more intuitive."
MARK: "Great observation! Let's build on that. What other potential benefits can we identify?"
In this scenario, Mark uses Emotional Judo to redirect the anger into productive problem-solving. He acknowledges the emotion without getting swept up in it, then guides the team towards a more constructive mindset.
The transformative power of emotional leadership is not just about what you feel; it's about how you influence others to feel. Transforming your presence into a beacon of positivity, resilience, and inspiration can elevate your entire team. Let your emotional thermostat guide your team towards growth and success, no matter what storms may come.
Remember, in the grand orchestra of leadership, you're not just playing an instrument - you're conducting the entire emotional symphony. So raise that baton, set the tone, and let the music of success play on! And if you hit a sour note? Well, that's just jazz, baby. Improvise, adapt, and keep the melody moving forward.
Simple, right? Well, not always
I'm here to help. Email me if you have any management or employee challenges. I've got your back, and your identity will remain anonymous.
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