[Dear Lewis] How to deal with a suffocating boss?
A senior software engineer copes with a suffocating boss. Should she surrender or make the most of the situation?
Pull up a chair, folks, because it's time for another installment of Dear Lewis.
Today's spotlight shines on Fiona, a seasoned software engineer entangled in a fierce tango with her manager, Raldin. Tired of the grind and yearning for fresh vistas, Fiona stands at a crossroads. Will she weather the storm of corporate hurdles to seize her professional dreams, or will she chart a new course altogether? Dive into this narrative of ambition, dilemmas, and the pursuit of triumph.
Keep striving for greatness,
Lewis C. Lin
CEO, ManageBetter
🤔 How to deal with a suffocating boss?
So picture this: a recent client session with Fiona, a senior software engineer (not her real name), left me shaking my head in equal parts frustration and fascination. She's locked in a battle royale with her manager, Raldin (also not his real name), and the tension is thicker than a foggy morning in San Francisco.
I ask Fiona to dish the dirt on what's really grinding her gears with Raldin. Turns out, they're about as compatible as oil and water when it comes to defining her role and responsibilities. Fiona's convinced she's the unsung hero behind the scenes, while Raldin seems to be sporting blinders that filter out her contributions faster than a magician's sleight of hand.
But it's not just work that's got Fiona feeling like she's stuck in a perpetual Groundhog Day. She's reaching the end of her rope with the corporate grind and the endless lines of code she's expected to churn out. Cue the existential crisis: should she jump ship and explore greener pastures? Maybe dip her toes into the wild world of real estate, leveraging her knack for people and her DIY prowess to become the next big thing in property?
Now, before you start thinking this is just another run-of-the-mill career counseling session, let me drop a truth bomb: Fiona's got layers, my friend. Sure, she's frustrated with her job, but there's a deeper undercurrent flowing beneath the surface. In our previous chats, she's hinted at feeling stuck while her peers soar into management roles like tech-savvy eagles.
But here's where things get really interesting. I decide to throw Fiona into the deep end with a little role-playing exercise. I don my best Raldin impression, complete with the obligatory managerial bluster, while Fiona steps into her own shoes. We start with some light banter, and true to form, Fiona dazzles me with her encyclopedic knowledge of trivia. It's like watching Ken Jennings on Jeopardy, minus the fancy podium.
But as soon as we dive into the nitty-gritty of a project Raldin's been sweating bullets over, Fiona's charismatic trivia master facade crumbles faster than a poorly written line of code. Suddenly, she's evasive, her explanations as flimsy as a house of cards in a stiff breeze.
I tell Fiona that she's starting to say contradictory things: she just claimed that Raldin doesn't get into technical details, but then she complained a few minutes ago that Raldin should trust her and not get into the details.
There are so many things I can nit-pick Fiona on: her defensiveness, her need for showing off and getting validation, and her nonsensical thought process. But I focus on the most important thing: Fiona is a rebel.
The word choice catches her attention. It's not something she's heard, but she leans in because she fancies herself as a freethinker with contrarian positions. She asks me how I deduced that.
I tell her that it's a one of the four tendencies featured in Gretechen Rubin's book. Rubin claims that 10% of all professionals are rebels. It's the rarest of the four tendencies. According to Rubin, rebels resist all expectations not only from others but also themselves. They want a sense of choice and freedom. They wake up and think "What do I want to do today?"
Fiona leans in further. She shares that she's always been a rebel throughtout her life. Her parents were abusive, so she had to forge her own path or more appropriately, her own escape. She ran away from home at the age of 13.
But beneath the tough exterior lies a dreamer with a plan: Fiona wants financial freedom, a seat at the table as a CTO, and a salary that would make Wall Street bankers blush. And you know what? I believe her. Because despite her rocky relationship with Raldin and her penchant for blaming everyone but herself, there's a fire in Fiona that refuses to be extinguished.
And here's the thing: success is a symphony, not a solo performance. I tell her, think of Raldin like the conductor of your orchestra; harmonize with him, and he'll help you hit the high notes. She's unsure if she can trust him, but I remind her, nothing about the guy screams evil mastermind.
Next day, guess what I get in my inbox? Fiona, saying she'll put her rebel tendencies on hold for this. She's willing to bury the hatchet with Raldin. Gonna play team ball to get that CTO title.
I'm proud as hell of her. And hey, she doesn't need to be all corporate drone about it. Outside of work? Let that freak flag fly, girl.
Simple, right? Well, not always
I'm here to help. Email me if you have any management or employee challenges. I've got your back, and your identity will remain anonymous.
Share the love ❤️
I enjoy sharing leadership and career insights. If this newsletter can benefit someone, please pass it along.
And if someone shared this edition with you, don't forget to hit that Subscribe button before leaving.