🤔 Dear Lewis, my senior employee let me down in a crisis. What do I do next?
When a senior employee fails to step up during a crisis, a VP must decide: rebuild trust or cut ties? Today’s edition unpacks the aftermath, lessons, and a framework for moving forward.
My friends, let’s talk about betrayal.
Not the grand, Shakespearean kind with daggers and soliloquies. I’m talking about the quieter, more insidious version. The kind that creeps up on you in the middle of a crisis, when you’re counting on someone to have your back—and they don’t.
Today’s story is about Jolene (not her real name), a VP of Engineering who got hit with a gut punch every leader dreads. It’s about ego, trust, and what happens when someone you rely on decides they’re too good for the team.
It’s messy. It’s raw. And it’s about to get real.
The Breakdown
Jolene didn’t just walk into our coaching session. She stormed in. Think hurricane-force winds. Coffee sloshing out of her cup. Eyes blazing like she’d just gone ten rounds with a heavyweight champ—and lost.
“I’m furious, Lewis,” she said, dropping into the chair across from me. “Absolutely livid.”
“Let it out,” I said. “What happened?”
“It was an emergency,” she began. “The system was crashing. Alerts were lighting up like a Christmas tree. Customers were screaming. We needed all hands on deck. So I turned to Dave—my most senior engineer, my supposed right-hand guy—and told him to step in.”
“And?” I asked.
“He said no.”
I blinked. “No?”
“No. As in, ‘I’m not doing this.’ As in, he stood there, looked me in the eye, and said, ‘This isn’t my job.’ Then he walked out of the war room. In front of the whole team.”
Oof. My stomach dropped, and it wasn’t even my story. “Wow.”
“Wow doesn’t even begin to cover it,” Jolene snapped. “He abandoned us. Left the rest of us to stay up all night fixing the mess. And the worst part? He didn’t even seem to care.”
“Sounds like a power move,” I said.
She nodded, her jaw tight. “Exactly. It wasn’t just that he refused to help. It was the way he did it. Like he was too good to get his hands dirty. Like the rest of us were beneath him.”
I leaned back in my chair. “So, what’s the plan?”
“I want to fire him,” she said. “But…”
She trailed off, staring at her coffee cup like it held the answer to the universe.
“But?” I prompted.
“But I can’t shake this feeling that I let this happen. That I let his ego get out of control. And now I don’t know what to do. Do I fire him? Do I try to fix it? And how do I make sure this never happens again?”
The Layers Beneath the Anger
Here’s the thing about anger: it’s rarely about what’s on the surface. Anger is like an iceberg. The part you see? That’s just the tip. The real stuff—the deep, messy, human stuff—is lurking underneath.
For Jolene, her anger wasn’t just about Dave walking out. It wasn’t even about the crisis. It was about what his actions represented.
“Jolene,” I said, “it sounds like this wasn’t just about the system crashing. It was about trust. You trusted Dave to step up. To be the rock your team could lean on. And when he didn’t, it felt personal.”
She nodded slowly. “Yeah. It felt like a slap in the face.”
“But here’s the thing about trust,” I said. “It’s not just about what you expect from someone. It’s also about what you allow. Have you asked yourself how Dave got to this point? How his ego grew to the size of a small country?”
Her eyes narrowed. “Are you saying this is my fault?”
“Not entirely,” I said. “But if you don’t figure out how this dynamic developed, you’ll never know if it can be fixed—or if it’s time to cut him loose.”
The Framework: CLEAR
This is where the story takes a turn. Because leadership isn’t just about reacting. It’s about responding. And when trust breaks down, you need a roadmap.
Enter the CLEAR framework. It’s my go-to for situations like this: when the wheels come off, the trust goes up in flames, and you’re left standing in the wreckage wondering what the hell just happened.
Here’s how it works:
C: Contextualize the Behavior
Before you grab the metaphorical pitchfork, pause. Ask yourself: what’s really going on here? Not to excuse the behavior, but to understand it. In Dave’s case, the question wasn’t whether his actions were acceptable—they weren’t. The question was why he felt entitled to act that way.
I told Jolene to have a direct, no-BS conversation with Dave. Not to accuse, but to dig.
Example:
“Dave, I need to understand what happened during the incident. Can you explain why you felt it wasn’t your responsibility to step in?”
L: Look for Patterns
One act of defiance doesn’t define a person. But patterns do.
“Has Dave ever acted like this before?” I asked.
She paused. “Now that you mention it, yes. He’s been dismissive in meetings. Quick to shut people down. And vocal about what he thinks is ‘beneath him.’ I let it slide because he’s good at what he does.”
“And that’s the pattern,” I said. “When you let ego go unchecked, it grows. And eventually, it takes over.”
E: Evaluate the Relationship
Trust is like a bank account. You make deposits over time. But when someone makes a massive withdrawal—like Dave just did—you have to ask: is there anything left to save?
“Jolene, if you were to rebuild trust with Dave, what would that look like?” I asked.
She thought for a moment. “I’d need to see him take real accountability. And I’d need to believe he’s willing to change. But honestly? I don’t think he will.”
“Then you might already have your answer,” I said.
A: Address the Root Cause
Once you understand the why, you can address the root cause. In Dave’s case, the root cause wasn’t burnout. It wasn’t disengagement. It was ego. And ego thrives in a culture without accountability.
R: Reinforce New Norms
Finally, Jolene needed to set clear expectations moving forward—not just for Dave, but for the entire team.
“What will you do to make sure this doesn’t happen again?” I asked.
“I’ll be explicit,” she said. “No more letting bad behavior slide because someone’s talented. I’ll make it clear that respect and accountability are non-negotiable.”
The Takeaway
Leadership isn’t about avoiding conflict. It’s about stepping into it. Facing it head-on. And coming out the other side stronger.
Jolene walked into our session furious. But she left with clarity. She knew what she needed to do next. And in Part 2, we’ll unpack that next step: what happens when trust breaks beyond repair. When ego becomes toxic. And when firing someone becomes the only way forward.
Stay tuned,
Lewis C. Lin
CEO, ManageBetter
Simple, right? Well, not always
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