🤔 Dear Lewis, my team’s a choir of complainers. How do I turn them into collaborators?
In today’s edition, a Marketing Director inherits a team of chronic complainers and discovers the delicate balance between transformation and tough decisions.
Here we are again, my friends, back for another installment of Dear Lewis. Today’s story is about Suzan, a newly promoted Marketing Director who just inherited a team of five. New team, fresh start, endless possibilities—sounds like a leadership dream, right?
Except… it wasn’t.
“They’re all complainers,” Suzan said during our first coaching session, her frustration palpable. “Every single one of them. It’s like negativity is their love language.”
I nodded knowingly. “Let me guess. Every idea you bring to the table gets shot down immediately?”
“Yes!” she exclaimed. “It’s like they’re competing to see who can kill the idea fastest. I’m trying to lead, but it feels like I’m dragging a cart full of bricks uphill while they’re adding more weight.”
I smiled. “Suzan, you don’t have a team right now. You have a choir of cynics. But here’s the good news: choirs can be retrained. They just need a new conductor.”
The Anatomy of a Complainer
Let’s pause here. Chronic complainers aren’t inherently bad people. They’re not villains plotting in the shadows. They’re just stuck. Somewhere along the way, they stopped believing—in leadership, in systems, maybe even in themselves. Complaining became their armor. It’s safer to critique than to create.
Suzan’s team wasn’t unskilled or lazy. They were just trapped in a cycle of learned helplessness. And if she wanted to lead them out of it, she needed to do two things:
Give them a reason to believe again.
Decide who could make the journey—and who couldn’t.
Because here’s the hard truth about leadership: not everyone can—or should—come along for the ride.
Step 1: The COMPLAIN Framework
We started with a framework I call COMPLAIN—not because we’re encouraging it, but because we’re dismantling it. The goal? To turn complaints into collaboration.
Here’s how Suzan applied it:
C: Curiosity Over Criticism
Complaints are often just poorly expressed concerns. Instead of shutting them down, Suzan leaned into them.
What she did: Whenever someone raised an objection, she responded with, “That’s interesting. Can you tell me more about why you think that?”
Why it worked: It shifted the dynamic from adversarial to exploratory. Complaints became starting points, not dead ends.
O: Ownership of Solutions
Complaints without solutions are just noise. Suzan introduced a new rule: “If you bring a problem, bring at least one idea for solving it.”
What she did: In team meetings, she’d redirect negativity with, “What’s one way we could address that?”
Why it worked: It forced the team to think constructively—and made them realize how much easier it is to critique than create.
M: Model Optimism
Complaining is contagious. But so is optimism.
What she did: Suzan started every meeting with a “win round,” where each person shared one success from the past week.
Why it worked: It rewired the team’s focus from problems to progress.
P: Prioritize Quick Wins
Nothing builds belief like momentum.
What she did: Suzan tackled small, solvable frustrations immediately—like streamlining approval processes and clarifying roles.
Why it worked: It showed the team that change was possible, one step at a time.
L: Limit the Negativity
Some complaints are valid. Others are just habit. Suzan set boundaries.
What she did: She introduced a “complaint cap” in meetings—no more than two minutes of venting before shifting to solutions.
Why it worked: It kept discussions focused and productive.
A: Acknowledge the Pain
Negativity often stems from feeling unheard. Suzan made sure her team felt seen.
What she did: In one-on-ones, she asked, “What’s been the most frustrating part of your role?”—and genuinely listened.
Why it worked: It built trust. People complain less when they feel understood.
I: Invite Authority
Complaining thrives in a vacuum of accountability. Suzan started delegating decision-making.
What she did: She gave each team member ownership of a specific project, with clear expectations and autonomy.
Why it worked: It shifted their mindset from “critic” to “creator.”
N: Normalize Positivity
Culture change doesn’t happen overnight. Suzan reinforced new behaviors consistently.
What she did: She celebrated every instance of constructive feedback, collaboration, or problem-solving—publicly and enthusiastically.
Why it worked: It made positivity the new norm.
Step 2: The Hard Truth About Teams
Here’s where it got tricky. As Suzan implemented COMPLAIN, most of her team started to shift. They began engaging more constructively, offering solutions, and even showing a glimmer of enthusiasm.
But not everyone got on board.
One team member, let’s call him Rick, resisted every step of the way. While others started collaborating, Rick doubled down on his negativity. He dismissed the new rules, refused ownership, and even started undermining Suzan in subtle ways—rolling his eyes in meetings, whispering to colleagues, and dragging his feet on deadlines.
Suzan was torn. “I’ve tried everything,” she said. “But Rick’s behavior is dragging the whole team down. What do I do?”
I nodded. “Suzan, here’s the thing about complainers: some of them are just stuck. But others? They’re anchors. And if you don’t cut the anchor, the whole ship sinks.”
Step 3: The CLEAR Framework for Termination
Firing someone isn’t easy. It shouldn’t be. But sometimes, it’s necessary—for the health of the team and the individual.
Here’s the framework Suzan used to handle it: CLEAR.
C: Clarify the Impact
Before making the decision, Suzan documented Rick’s behavior and its effects on the team.
Example: “Rick’s negativity has led to missed deadlines, lower morale, and decreased collaboration.”
L: Lay the Groundwork
Suzan gave Rick every opportunity to improve.
What she did: She had multiple one-on-ones where she provided clear, specific feedback: “Your negativity is affecting the team. Here’s what needs to change.”
Why it mattered: It ensured Rick wasn’t blindsided—and gave him a fair chance to adjust.
E: Evaluate the Progress
After 60 days, Suzan assessed whether Rick had improved. He hadn’t.
What she realized: Rick wasn’t just unwilling to change—he was actively resisting it.
A: Act Decisively
Suzan scheduled a termination meeting, following HR protocols.
What she said: “Rick, we’ve had several conversations about your behavior and its impact on the team. Unfortunately, there hasn’t been enough improvement, and we need to part ways.”
Why it worked: It was clear, respectful, and to the point.
R: Reassure the Team
After Rick’s departure, Suzan addressed the team.
What she said: “This was a difficult decision, but it was necessary to protect the progress we’re making together. I’m committed to supporting all of you as we move forward.”
Why it mattered: It reinforced her leadership and reassured the team that she had their best interests at heart.
The Transformation
Six months later, Suzan’s team was thriving. Meetings were filled with ideas, not complaints. Campaigns were hitting their targets. And the team’s reputation had shifted from “cynical” to “collaborative.”
The moment that stood out most to Suzan? During a brainstorming session, one of her quietest team members spoke up: “What if we tried this instead?”
Suzan paused, smiled, and said, “Let’s hear it.”
Because that’s the thing about complainers. With the right leadership, they can become collaborators. But sometimes, you have to let go of the ones who refuse to grow.
Your Turn
If you’ve inherited a team of complainers, remember: not every complainer is a lost cause. Some just need a new conductor. Use the COMPLAIN framework to tune their negativity into collaboration. And if you find an anchor that’s dragging the team down? Don’t hesitate to cut it loose.
Keep striving for greatness,
Lewis C. Lin
CEO, ManageBetter
Simple, right? Well, not always
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