Dear Thoughtful Leader: How do I say no without sounding negative?
A manager is facing the challenge of appearing too negative or distant when handling suggestions from colleagues. She's also finding it tricky to explain why she's chosen her approach.
Hello Thoughtful Leader Community 👋,
We’re excited to bring you the September edition of The Thoughtful Leader newsletter. This time around, we’re tackling the challenge of how to stick to your decisions while staying open to your coworkers’ suggestions. Join us as we help a manager explore practical tips and insights to help them navigate this tricky situation.
Cheers,
Team ManageBetter
🤹 Master the art of balancing colleague suggestions and opinions
Dear Thoughtful Leader,
I’m naturally an overthinker. I put a huge amount of thought into how I should word things so that they’re clear and understandable. When I bring drafts to my colleagues, they will often have suggestions. However, I know that I’ve already thought about many of these suggestions and discarded them for a reason. That being said, because I’m often saying no and giving my reasons immediately, it may look like I’m not open enough to suggestions and instead too quick to shoot them down.
I also don’t like that I appear so negative and closed off to input, but I can’t seem to avoid it when I know that I’ve already put a lot of thought into my work and have it a certain way for a particular reason. Is there a better way to respond in situations like these?
Thanks a bunch,
Seemingly Negative Manager
Dear Seemingly Negative Manager,
Finding the right balance between upholding your thoughtful approach and being open to your colleagues' suggestions isn’t always easy. You've recognized the importance of maintaining your commitment to quality while also acknowledging your colleagues' desire to contribute. Let's explore some ideas to help you navigate this situation like a pro.
Set feedback boundaries
Imagine you're the director of a movie and your colleagues are your trusted advisors. Clearly define the areas where you seek their input. Instead of vague requests, be specific about what you need. Set expectations for the kind of feedback you're looking for. This can guide feedback towards your desired outcomes and prevent suggestions that might stray off-topic. For instance, while sharing a draft, you could say, "I'd love your feedback and suggestions on the grammar, tone, and overall structure."
Pro Tip: Create a checklist or outline highlighting the specific aspects you want feedback on before presenting your work to colleagues.
Showcase your thought process
While a touch of mystery can be intriguing, shedding light on your decision-making process brings everyone on board. To address any perception of dismissiveness, consider adding a brief email or discussion that highlights your decisions' reasoning. This proactive step can reveal your meticulous thought process and preemptively address potential concerns.
Pro Tip: Alongside your drafts, include a brief note outlining the key decisions you've made and why you've made them.
Use open-ended questions
When faced with a suggestion you've already explored, try inviting further insight. "Interesting perspective! How do you envision this fitting into our bigger picture?" or "I'm curious about your idea. Could you connect it with our current approach involving X?" Such open-ended questions encourage dialogue without discarding your rationale.
Pro Tip: Practice the art of asking "why." When a suggestion challenges your approach, instead of immediately dismissing it, ask questions that delve deeper into the potential benefits and implications.
Acknowledge without defensiveness
Acknowledging without defensiveness is an art. A straightforward approach is to say "While option B is worth considering, let’s weigh the pros and cons against option A before we commit. Here’s my rationale…” This approach works because it demonstrates a willingness to engage in a thoughtful and open discussion while maintaining a receptive and non-defensive stance. By acknowledging the alternative option and presenting a comparison of the pros and cons of both choices, you show that you value the input of others and are willing to consider different perspectives.
Pro Tip: Sometimes, your colleagues might not be looking for agreement, but rather recognition that their input is valued.
These practical strategies are your tools to create a workplace where ideas flow and quality remains a top priority. Imagine an atmosphere where colleagues feel heard, and your knack for excellence is evident. The goal is to foster an environment where collaboration flourishes, benefitting everyone involved.
Sincerely,
The Thoughtful Leader
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